How to Reclaim Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse from Your Partner
- Melissa L Watkins: Guidance 311
- Mar 18
- 6 min read
“I love you,” the three most desirable words we all strive to hear from someone who makes us believe we are desirable to them in some way. Physically is society’s focus through marketing and advertising since it was created. Most of us strive to be the most physically attractive for both partners, putting on their best version of themselves. Sharing the best qualities or what they like most about themselves. Drawing the other partner in with the accomplishments, best travel experiences, daring feats, or grandest experiences. We want to connect with our partners to create a bond that allows us to begin to trust or believe that person is showing up for you.
In healthy relationships, after the “honeymoon” period of about four months, reality sets in and we begin to build intimacy by becoming vulnerable. Vulnerability happens when we open up to the parts of our personality and experiences that may be challenging or less than desirable by societal and/or familial standards: job loss, divorce, addiction, eviction, bad investments, etc.
As a highly sensitive person with a over average developed clairsentience, or Empath, you feel your partners brokenness; their lack of connection to their emotional body, where they are holding on to hurt, trauma, or over consideration of themselves. Your whole focus becomes about helping that person who is saying the three magic words, “I love you.” Your self-worth is tied to their need of you because of the programming you have received that tells you that you need to be beneficial to others for your own safety and stability.
An empath is someone who is highly sensitive to the emotions and energy of others. You can intuitively feel and absorb other people’s feelings, often to the point of experiencing them as your own. This heightened emotional awareness makes empaths caring and compassionate, but it can also be overwhelming allowing you to give to the nth degree. This can put you in a deficit: mentally, emotionally, energetically, financially, and physically.
Key Traits of an Empath Personality:
1. Emotional Sensitivity
o They deeply feel and understand the emotions of those around them, whether positive or negative.
o Example: Sensing when someone is sad, even if they’re hiding it.
2. Strong Intuition
o Empaths often rely on their "gut feelings" and can pick up on unspoken emotions or hidden intentions.
o Example: Knowing something is wrong without being told.
3. Deep Compassion
o They genuinely care about others and are quick to offer support.
o Example: Being the person friends turn to for comfort during tough times.
4. Emotional Absorption
o They may take on the emotional pain of others as if it were their own.
o Example: Feeling drained after being around someone who is angry or anxious.
5. Overwhelmed in Crowds
o Large groups or intense environments can be overstimulating due to the emotional energy they pick up.
o Example: Feeling exhausted after attending a crowded event.
6. Strong Desire to Help
o They often feel a deep urge to heal or fix others’ problems.
o Example: Going out of their way to support someone in emotional distress.
7. Need for Alone Time
o To recharge, empaths often need solitude to process and release the emotions they absorb.
o Example: Taking quiet breaks after socializing to restore their energy.
8. Boundary Challenges
o They may struggle to set emotional boundaries, leading to burnout or being taken advantage of.
o Example: Saying "yes" too often, even when it drains them.
Strengths of an Empath:
Deep emotional connection with others.
Strong intuition and understanding.
Compassionate and supportive nature.
Challenges for an Empath:
Emotional exhaustion from absorbing others' feelings.
Difficulty separating their emotions from others'.
Being targeted by manipulative people, like narcissists, due to their kindness.
Whether you carry your own trauma around safety and stability or not, you are susceptible to being targeted and feeling the need to help. The connection that you experience to others is heightened because of your sensitivity and by being aware you are then able to retract and disconnect as needed. However, this connection with a narcissist is euphoric, intense, and ultimately destructive.
Narcissism, in simple terms, is when someone is overly focused on themselves, how they look, how others see them, and their own needs and desires. People with narcissistic tendencies often crave attention, admiration, and approval. They may have trouble understanding or caring about other people’s feelings.
The Two Main Types of Narcissism:
1. Grandiose Narcissism (Overt Narcissism)This is the "classic" type people often think of. Someone with grandiose narcissism appears confident, outgoing, and self-important. They may:
o Brag about their achievements
o Seek constant praise and admiration
o Feel superior to others
o Be unwilling to admit faults or mistakes
Example: A person who constantly talks about their success and belittles others to feel superior.
2. Vulnerable Narcissism (Covert Narcissism)This type is more hidden and less obvious. People with vulnerable narcissism may seem shy or sensitive but still have a deep need for validation. They may:
o Feel easily hurt by criticism
o Be resentful if they don’t get enough attention
o Play the victim to gain sympathy
o Appear humble but secretly feel superior
Example: Someone who seems quiet but feels deeply unappreciated and reacts defensively to any criticism.
Both types share a common theme: a focus on themselves and a fragile sense of self-worth.
Narcissistic traits can be harmful to others, especially in close relationships. People with strong narcissistic tendencies may prioritize their own needs while disregarding how their behavior affects those around them.
Here are some destructive traits that narcissists might display toward others:
1. Lack of Empathy/Remorse
They struggle to understand or care about others' feelings.
Example: Ignoring your emotional needs or downplaying your pain.
2. Manipulation and Exploitation
Using others for personal gain without considering the harm caused.
Example: Pretending to care only to get what they want.
3. Gaslighting
Making others doubt their own memories or feelings to maintain control.
Example: Denying things they said or did, making you question your reality.
4. Blame-Shifting
Refusing to take responsibility and blaming others for their mistakes.
Example: If something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault.
5. Excessive Criticism
Putting others down to feel superior.
Example: Constantly pointing out flaws to undermine your confidence.
6. Emotional Manipulation
Using guilt, fear, or shame to control others.
Example: Guilt-tripping you for spending time with friends instead of them.
7. Entitlement
Believing they deserve special treatment and acting accordingly.
Example: Expecting others to prioritize their needs without question.
8. Jealousy and Envy
Feeling threatened by others' success and trying to undermine it.
Example: Downplaying your achievements or spreading rumors out of jealousy.
9. Boundary Violations
Disrespecting others’ personal limits and ignoring their requests.
Example: Pushing past your "no" or invading your privacy.
10. Emotional Withholding
Refusing to provide affection, support, or validation as a form of punishment.
Example: Giving the silent treatment when they don’t get their way.
Unfortunately, the Empath/Narcissist connection is the most devastating relationship because of the strength of the attachment. The energetic cord that is created (trauma bond) ties these two parties into a dance that breaks down and destroys the Empath. The Narcissist moves on to their next victim.
Releasing this connection, disconnecting from this relationship is paramount for the Empath. The narcissist is a parasite leeching the emotional energy from the Empath and will find someone else to feed on. Their abuse to the Empath stems from their need to keep themselves thriving. They will employ any tactic to gain their advantage. They have no remorse for any way in which they used you. The only way to survive is total disconnection.
Calling in support is vital. For some physical support in a place to go with safe people. For all, connecting to your spiritual center: God, angels, higher-self, whoever you prescribe to…this connection will help you disengage by reinforcing your sense of self-worth. Learning or re-learning to love yourself after this relationship. This connection to yourself is you realizing your Divinity-the connection to yourself at all levels: spiritual, energetic, emotional, mental, and physical. Loving yourself will heal you and draw to you the love you desire.
Melissa L Watkins is the founder of melissaLwatkins.com website that features her blog and services. Since 2017, she specializes in teaching you how to connect to your own spiritual gifts, doing your shadow work, and transforming your life to live your purpose. Also, her Facebook following at Melissa L Watkins: Guidance 311, where she provides inspiration and methods to help develop skills to utilize the Law of Attraction and heal traumas, inner child wounding, and connecting to your higher self. She is a Master Instructor-Teacher with Integrated Energy Therapy®, Certified Reiki Level 2, Certified Compassion Key Level 1 and Certified Angelic Color Healing Level 1. Her passions are teaching her Evidential Medium Course and Integrated Energy Therapy® certifications: Basic, Intermediate, and Advanced levels. Join her blog at www.melissaLwatkins.com/blog
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