Really getting clear with ourselves about our traits, foibles and what makes us who we are….can be revealing. And, not always in a good way because we start to see clearly that the only person standing in our way is us. Hard, hard truth for most of us to come to. We want to blame and play the victim because that validates our ego. The ego that keeps you playing small…keeps you safe…keeps you stagnant because to change is uncomfortable or down right scary depending on the situation.
Dictionary.com’s second definition of victimization is “the act or fact of blaming others for the hardships one encounters in life.” Your ego is so ok with doing this because then it can feel good about its choices and decisions made in almost all situations, relationships and areas of one’s life with no need to take responsibility for any of it. Allow it to land on someone else’s shoulders. Unfortunately, this will never bring you the peace, happiness and alignment with your life’s purpose in this life experience at this time.
For a long time, I blamed family, circumstances and others for the hurt and trauma that I had to overcome. Some of it was justified, however, all of it needed to be forgiven. It was the only way for me to take responsibility for how I was allowing those experiences to affect my decision making. For that I needed to become accountable.
Only through accountability or recognizing my actions could I look at why I was making the decisions that I was making that were keeping my stuck, broke and miserable. Others’ actions were directly impacting my decision making skills and keeping me unhappy, single, bad money management and focusing on jobs that were soul sucking to me. I had to find the secret sauce that would allow me to thrive despite the traumas and abuses that I dealt with for the first two-thirds of my life. I desperately wanted to be happy. I desperately did not want to feel the weight of any of it anymore: hopelessness, lack mentality, low self-esteem, unattractive, and all of the myriad self-sabotaging thought patterns I had always engaged in. Taking this hard look at myself was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. Figuring out why I did the things I did. It was heartbreaking on so many levels: recognizing who let me down and how. I could only go up from there. And, heal those wounds to have a better day(s).
The releasing was the forgiveness that I had to give everyone, myself included. Not forgiveness of letting anyone off the hook. The forgiveness that is the acceptance of things could not have been other than what they were. Not needing to know the why or the how of all the decisions that negatively impacted my life from all the people who were supposed to love me. The forgiveness allowed me to release the attachment to my ego: the need to be right.
I struggled with this for years. The idea of ‘letting anyone of the hook’ and the anger that I held on to in my justifiable indignation of the hurts and traumas that I had endured, or righteousness was, also, blocking me from living in the freedom that the forgiveness has now produced in my life.
The forgiveness extinguishes the anger like a candle sniffer to a flame. The anger can eat you alive like a fire destroys everything in its wake. Anger eats at you and your ego feeds it from the need of being right or the need to keep you comfortable, playing small in the same pond that you have always been in. And effectively diminishing you, holding you back from the life that you are here to lead. You are in effect blocking your own dreams, wishes, desires and destiny. No one else is. No one is holding you back but you. This is a hard truth pill to swallow. You are the co-creator of your destiny with you higher-power (higher-self, God, your team).
Restoring: it is time to bring yourself into alignment with who you are and why you are having this life experience at this time. We are all here to be happy, to be fulfilled and to realize our dreams. Once you recognized what is holding you back and released your attachment to any egoic outcomes, you are ready to restore yourself to your desired life experience: happiness, fulfilled and in-service. As we are all here to be in-service in some way, it is everyone’s life purpose.
This is a journey with no real destination because as one trait comes up and is transmuted energetically we are taken to another level. This life experience is a journey unto itself. Learning to work this process over and over again brings you to the fulfillment that you seek on every level.
Blessings, M xo