R101: Is he coming back?


Hi, I have a relationship question.

Your name?


Who is it your thinking of?


How long have you known Toby?

Five years, but we haven’t spoken in a year.

What would you like to know?

Is he coming back?

…..really? …is what I am thinking. I don’t need to be clairvoyant to know that he is not.

Ladies, the guy is the pursuer. PERIOD. If he is not pursuing you, he is not interested. If he keeps you hanging, he is not interested. If he just hooks up with you, he is not interested. The only time he is interested is when you have to do nothing.

We want to believe he is the one. He said all the right things. Or he comes across is broken in some way and then the nurturing gene kicks in. -this leads you to an unhealthy dynamic of becoming a mother figure. Don’t DO it.

As women, we have to take back our power. Standing up for and demanding the respect that we deserve. You deserve. Setting boundaries is crucial. It is not mean. It is not unsympathetic. It is you showing them that you are respectable because you respect yourself. Be powerful.

I am not saying that in individual cases reconciliation won’t happen. It will and it does. This is more to highlight the need for us (women) to stand in our power by respecting ourselves to demand that we are respected in all situations, but especially our relationships. Be the model for our daughters.

In my experience, these types of situations started with someone who was pursuing and saying all the correct things. Really pulling on your emotions. Wanting you to be their everything. When a relationship starts out like this, it is most certainly doomed to fail. Because it is not starting from a place of balance.

For a relationship to thrive each party must be open to being authentic. Not hiding your faults or foibles. We all have them. These before mentioned situation is always one of the parties made big promises and played on your ego to make you feel safe in some way. That promise of safety is what you are wanting to reclaim.

The best thing you can do until you meet that person that will compliment you, not save you or take care of you; but compliment your life. Is to get into balance with yourself. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, and socially. This is not easy. This is work. This is looking at where you in your life are letting yourself down. Shadow work is the looking at all parts of yourself and seeing where you need to heal, forgiveness, kindness and love for yourself.

It is time to take care of you.

More to come. Blessings, M xo

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