Ugh! Revisiting mid 2018 is not something I want to ever do and especially right now. This was the year that I was given clear insight on my childhood wounds of abuse and neglect. It gutted me to the core and has taken over a year and a half of self-care, forgiveness and gratitude work of the highest order. I have been preaching how these practices have been instrumental in getting me this far. Oh, how I had no idea?!
Back when I was twenty I went to counseling for sexual abuse that I was unsure I was remembering correctly. I was that young. And anger issues surrounding my mother. What transpired was recognizing that my inner child was wounded…I had no idea what that meant or how to heal it then. So, I bought a book that I was drawn to and read maybe the first chapter. I was not equipped at that time for what it would take to navigate the healing of these two very major traumas. But, I now know this was the beginning of peeling back the layers of this particular onion.
You see, I would come to realize that these two wounds were intricately linked in ways I had no way of putting together at that time. So, this retrograde is pulling out the roots of these traumas in a most welcome way, but damn it is hard to revisit even the remnants of all of this gunk. And I call it gunk because it was clogging my Solar plexus, Sacral and Root chakras for years. It took so many years of exploring and learning to know just how deep these wounds were embedded in my emotional, energetic and physical bodies.
I never let people get close to me. I never felt enthusiastic about anything and I emotionally ate for years…leading to gastric bypass. I was lonely, angry, depressed and fat. Welcome to my twenties. But it all stemmed from the first five years of my life. It has been crazy to me that those first years have been monumentally impacting all of my decisions and experiences until I recognized what that experience was truthfully. And it has been shattering to learn just how systemic emotional neglect at your earliest development can hinder all of your developmental progress for your whole life until you are able to recognize it and heal it.
Beware! These next few weeks energetically can feel volatile if you let them. Being conscious will help you navigate yourself, but those around you that are not conscious will try and trigger you. And, you know that you are doing the work successfully if you are able to not be triggered and ignore or diffuse the person trying, oh so hard, to push your buttons.
- Recognize what was going on in mid 2018
- Know that this is another layer being revisited: heal or not (your choice)
- Your emotional body is important and will be recognized: now or later (but at some time you will have to deal with what you are currently stuffing down…I promise)
- Forgiveness is your friend: not letting anyone off of the hook, but recognizing that they (or you) were making the best decision at the time it was being made…let it go!
- Using gratitude for the lesson: this may take some time…be gentle with yourself
- Self-care: take all the time you need to heal, let go of anyone else’s expectations of you or your decisions, and give yourself permission to do or be whatever you need as you work through your stuff
Taking time out when you need it and respecting your own energy levels will also help you be the best version of yourself through these chaotic energies. Be well my friends.
Blessings, M xo