Really Disappointed in Me

on the other side of fearWell peeps! I have been struggling with that green eyed monster: jealousy!  I am seeing people succeeding and working at their passion and all I want to do is climb into mine and not look up!  Unfortunately, I have commitments and responsibilities that no one else is going to fulfill.  So, here I sit, having taken a personal day, typing out my angst because of how disappointed I am in myself for having these feelings and allowed myself to get back to this place.

I thought because of the work I do on a daily basis with spiritual practice that I had overcome these basic emotions…ha! I am here to tell you that allowing myself to be dragged down emotionally, physically and spiritually by working at a job that is sucking the life out of me because other people think I ‘should’ be working a ‘regular’ job that I have let myself down and the jealousy has reared its ugly head with thoughts of “why not me?” and “how come I can’t?” and the list goes on and on….

Almost to the month, a year ago I was living my best life. Doing what I felt was right for me.  It was not the ‘norm’ by societal standards, but I was helping people on a daily basis and focusing on what was good for me emotionally, physically and spiritually.  Eating right, walking and meditating daily.  I was in good shape: metaphorically and physically.  I loved my life!

How did I fall so far off the wagon?  I allowed the negative Nellies and others’ expectations crawl back into my life….why? oh why?  And, by doing so I have lost: emotionally, financially and spiritually.  Well, folks this is my wake up call for me and you!

No more allowing others’ expectations, words or deeds to affect my actions! I am going back to doing what is right for me…this might not be right for you, not working a socially acceptable ‘job.’ But for me it is the only way to follow my intuition and guidance that has brought me on this journey of self-discovery and happiness.  We are finishing our commitment and then back to the grindstone: creating, meditating, walking, eating right and most of all following the Divine guidance that has brought me on this journey of learning, growing and self-discovery!  I can’t wait!! I am so excited!!!

As Oprah says, “What I know for sure is” following your path, intuition and growth process is the only way you will find satisfaction and happiness in your own life.  Don’t  let the fear of what anyone else thinks or expects of you to affect your decisions.  That will only bring you tiredness, crankiness and dissatisfaction with all areas of you life.


And, now I will continue to follow my own advice, close the door and be me…and inviting you on the journey.


~Melissa xo

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