Have you ever met that person who is so bitter about the past? A person so hurt they come across as mean or ugly? So negative about everything, you can’t imagine what gets them out of bed in the morning? On one level, you feel for them. And, on another level you really don’t want to be around them! We feel sorry for them and sad at the same time because we can’t figure out why they are the way they are??
Breaking up or ending any kind of relationship is HARD. Being disappointed by another person or yourself is a by-product. But, the real bitch is that what you knew is gone. Your won’t ever get that back. People say that they will stay in touch, but they don’t. And, it is not because they didn’t mean the sentiment. They do! The difference is that things are no longer the same, so we all have to move on with our lives. And that means moving on without those connections. It is sad, and it HURTS. Especially, when you are the one left behind.
And, the bitch is you don’t miss the EX half as much as you miss the community of people that you created together. Losing those people takes another, separate toll on you and your battered emotions.
The pain and hurt keep the relationship alive for you. When you lose a relationship, and for whatever reason, the steps that you take are the same steps as grieving death:
release honor, and return to love.
Which is why some choose not to move through the steps, by staying in one of the steps (usually anger) they are able to stay in that relationship. That the relationship had been real and they can still revisit the love because they have not released it.
Going through the steps will allow you to love again. However, to move through the steps is to release that person, relationship, and community from your life. By holding on to the grief and pain you can virtually hold on to that love you shared, life you lived, and community you received a separate kind of love and support from. For those not willing to move through the stages, they are stuck and cannot love again…not in a true and lasting way…they might think they are in a new relationship, but the truth is they are using the new person to fill the void, or provide temporary relief to make ourselves feel better.
To love again, you must go through the stages. And, the community …well, if they want to stay in your life they will make the effort…and if not…let them go with love in your heart because we all are doing the best that we can and so are they.
Holding on to any one of the stages, holds us hostage to the past. Release!
God, Goddess, The Universe wants us to be happy and live fully, to realize our dreams and to help each other, and to protect our home, Mother Earth.