Let’s Love

Have you ever met that person who is so bitter about the past?  A person so hurt they come across as mean or ugly?  So negative about everything, you can’t imagine what gets them out of bed in the morning?  On one level, you feel for them.  And, on another level you really don’t want to be around them! We feel sorry for them and sad at the same time because we can’t figure out why they are the way they are??

Breaking up or ending any kind of relationship is HARD.  Being disappointed by another person or yourself is a by-product.  But, the real bitch is that what you knew is gone. Your won’t ever get that back. People say that they will stay in touch, but they don’t.  And, it is not because they didn’t mean the sentiment. They do! The difference is that things are no longer the same, so we all have to move on with our lives.  And that means moving on without those connections. It is sad, and it HURTS.  Especially, when you are the one left behind.

And, the bitch is you don’t miss the EX half as much as you miss the community of people that you created together.  Losing those people takes another, separate toll on you and your battered emotions.

The pain and hurt keep the relationship alive for you.  When you lose a relationship, and for whatever reason, the steps that you take are the same steps as grieving death:

shock and

denial,

anger and

depression,

release honor, and return to love.

Which is why some choose not to move through the steps, by staying in one of the steps (usually anger) they are able to stay in that relationship.  That the relationship had been real and they can still revisit the love because they have not released it.

Going through the steps will allow you to love again.  However, to move through the steps is to release that person, relationship, and community from your life. By holding on to the grief and pain you can virtually hold on to that love you shared, life you lived, and community you received a separate kind of love and support from. For those not willing to move through the stages, they are stuck and cannot love again…not in a true and lasting way…they might think they are in a new relationship, but the truth is they are using the new person to fill the void, or provide temporary relief to make ourselves feel better.

To love again, you must go through the stages.  And, the community …well, if they want to stay in your life they will make the effort…and if not…let them go with love in your heart because we all are doing the best that we can and so are they.

Holding on to any one of the stages, holds us hostage to the past.  Release!

God, Goddess, The Universe wants us to be happy and live fully, to realize our dreams and to help each other, and to protect our home, Mother Earth.

Blessings,

~Melissa xo

Expectation vs. Surrender

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You grow up thinking you can do anything.  And that people will be who you expect them to be.  You will have things that you are supposed to have.  You will be successful, get married, have kids and be happy.  BECAUSE that is what they tell you.

These are all ego driven pursuits.  Your ego makes you feel entitled.  You are growing up in a world where you are taught you can have anything.  You are excited and cannot wait for the good stuff to show up.  –oops!

There are no magic Genie’s in a bottle to grant you three wishes.  There are no Fairy Godmother’s to turn your life into your dreams with a magic wand.  So, what do we do as mere mortals?

Work hard, they say.  Get a degree, they say.  We are expected to achieve, hugely.  We are expected to do better than our parents.  We are expected to work, study and be safe by their rules and standards.  Who the fuck are they?  “They:” society, parents, teachers, friends, clergy…the list can be daunting to have to live up to everyone else’s expectations. All because their ego said so, and thus became your ego’s inner monologue.

Hopefully, at some point you realize that your ego is making you extremely unhappy.  Living up to or putting on expectation leads to misery.  People will let you down every time.  We are designed to make ourselves happy.  Simply because we came here, this life, for a reason, and that reason will be the only way to have happiness.

How do you find your purpose?  Finding it is easy…what makes you the happiest to do?  Your passion? That thing, idea, creative expression, spreadsheet idea that will not let you rest?!  That is what you are here to do!

But….I heard it….I can’t give up my day job…I can’t let __________down…(fill in the blank with a name).  If you let other’s expectations keep dictating your life, your ego wins.

You came here to fulfill a purpose or soul contract.  For me it has always been to write.  To do that I had to surrender to the process of how I would support myself and finding the time that I would need for the task.  The hardest part was letting go of the expectations that were placed upon me by my parents, colleagues, family and friends.  Your ego can make you feel like you are letting them down.  When in fact, you are living in God’s plan.  Surrendering will allow you to receive the Divine inspiration for whatever your plan is…courage in the face of fear, and prayer in the face of uncertainty.

Blessings,                                                                                                                                   ~Melissa xo