Get Me Off the Treadmill

I need to do laundry.  I need to clean.  I need to hang up my cloths.  I need to work on my website.  I need to…the list can be endless and I didn’t even include any of the mom things…cook, run errands, take kids places.  Especially not that summer is here and they are home.  How will I get it all done?  Chances are I won’t.  I will get the immediate needs met and everyone will get fed.  But will my house be showroom perfect or will my laundry baskets be empty…not even probably. They won’t.

We put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect and have all the balls in the air just right…unfortunately, the reality is that one or two will bounce on the floor.  And let me share a little secret with you, it is OK.  We all have the same desires for our life, but we have to find the happy medium that we can live with.  Because unless your children are grown and gone your life is hectic.  Even if you don’t have children you can find ways to overwhelm yourself with commitments and responsibilities…people think you have all the free time in the world for them to fill up!

So, what am I getting at?  We are busy.  We have expectations thrust on us.  We put expectations on ourselves…at least I do in a big way.  For years, I felt like I was on a treadmill that I couldn’t stop.  The bitch was I lost everything anyway.

Changes had to be made.  What had I lost? What was wrong?

I was living in an ego driven word where success was measured in dollars, and vacations, and things acquired.  I was being pushed to be more, to do more, to help more. I was emotionally bankrupt as well as financially.  I wasn’t doing anything  I that I wanted to do I had been taking the jobs that I felt I had to so that I could maintain our standard of living…it failed miserably….

I had to get real with me and God…again…whatever your belief system is and works for you  I support.  I  use God because it works for me.  Once I put my faith and trust into him I was supported.  I received the help I needed for my immediate needs and I am receiving guidance daily to keep living my passion and dream.  You have to have the courage to act on the guidance, and for me that is the hardest part.  There have been a lot of steps that I have taken with FEAR in my belly.  But, I remember that ego is not my friend and that I trust God.

Blessings,

~Melissa xo

Why Be Grateful for Everything: the good, the bad, and the ugly?

In 2011, my world came crashing down.  I found myself losing everything that I had worked for.   Long story short, I found myself squatting with my daughter in my mother’s one-bedroom apartment. No job, No money, No ideas.

I am now grateful for that experience.  I could have really hit bottom.  Looking for a way to feel better.  So many seek feeling better through alcohol, relationships, pills: anything external to make the pain go away quickly.

I really could have done those things.  I instead went to my comfort zone, the library.  There I found books to help me find peace and resources inside of myself.  I have always been a faithful person, but my faith was truly tested.  This was not the first time I would be tested, and I found out this would not be the last.

What did I find in that library to help me?

I found the inspiration to write.  To get back to my passion.  A passion that I had let go because of material needs, time, commitments, work, etc.

What I began to write is the story here.  A Gratitude Journal.  I simply bought an inexpensive journal and wrote everyday ten things I was grateful for that day.  And remember my situation, some days the only thing I found to be grateful for was air to breathe or the sunshine to sit in.   But…everyday I found a little more hope and inspiration than the day before.  It started to make a profound difference.  People started coming into my life that could affect my situation, and because my internal dialogue had shifted I could now see possibility.

You cannot work out of the depths of despair alone.  Through gratitude you can find the help inside and outside of yourself to move forward; however small the steps you make, you are moving in the right direction.

With God all things are possible.  Changing your vibration from negative to positive, through gratitude, you can change your situation.  You can change any circumstance you find yourself in through God.

Why be grateful for all of your experiences?  Because you are learning each time.  We are given the experiences good/bad until we learn the lesson.  If you find yourself in the same or similar situations and you want to break out of the cycle, then you must do something different.

Here are some tools that I found essential in my transformation:

  • Albom, Mitch, Tuesdays with Morrie.
  • Brown, Brene, Daring Greatly.
  • Byrne, Rhonda, The Secret.
  • Dyer, Wayne, Wisdom of the Ages.
  • Tolle, Eckhart, A New Earth.

 

Monsters Revisited

Please! Please! Help me, I want, You need…all about them.  There is no thought to you and your needs.  They will do or say anything to get their own way.  I am not talking about anyone who is asking for anything within reason.  I am targeting those that will stop at nothing to get their way…at all costs!

First: they will use guile and sweetness maybe even be playful to get what they want.  Remember this will have nothing to do with any of your wants, feelings, interests, etc.  And these desires have are ego-centric to them.

Second: moving on to pleading and begging, or trying to work out a way for you to see the benefit of them having what they want.  Using guilt to win…because now it has become a power struggle they must win.  Guilt and fear are their weapons.

Third and last: tantrums, abuse: physical, verbal and/or emotional.  Danger area.  Depending on your person as to how far they will go, which is why I included help-line phone numbers in the previous post.

For those of you who have never encountered the extreme form of manipulation, I am envious.  I have lived with it all to long with a partner I ditched and then our daughter, who somehow has it wired into her DNA.

How you can protect yourself…know that you are not wrong in NOT giving in.  You have solid reasons that NO must mean NO.  During the siege, be calm.  Let the storm rage and remove yourself from the situation if you must.  But let them know that this is not ok behavior and will not be allowed (after the fact).  During the storm, your calm will diffuse the situation to an extent, but not escalate it.  Stay in your truth.  Get help when needed (yes, I have called the authorities).

This is a form of abuse.  You and the person behaving this way need help.  Some call this tough love.  Especially if this is a family member.  Take care.

Blessings and love,

~Melissa xo

Masquerading Monster Manipulators

What do I mean?  Who are the monsters?  Well, they can be anyone who is well meaning in your life that tries to manipulate you.  Manipulation is just another way to use fear to get what they want.   And, it stinks.  The people you allow in your life should be trustworthy, especially when it comes to your feelings! The truth is many people are selfish without realizing it and that spills over into the interactions they have with everyone around them.

And we teach it!  As parents we manipulate our children to do what we want.  An  example of this would be putting them into a situation that you know will make them uncomfortable to expose them to and teaching them how to deal with.  Is this cruel? No, we are often trying to teach them something.

But, when an adult uses a fear tactic to get what they want from you: Monster.  In any relationship: friend, lover, business, etc., using fear to gain an advantage is just not right. “I will go to the boss if you don’t ___________.”  OR, “I will keep the kids if you divorce me.” And, there are countless ways to strike fear into your heart.  It steals your peace.  It shows that they don’t value your feelings.  It is just mean!

When we come across those people it is simple, run…not kind of, not maybe, not another chance…sprint in the opposite direction.  They will use whatever means that they cam to get what they WANT.  They will not change.  Their apology in not sincere.  They want their way and you are in their’s!

If it is an abusive situation, PLEASE seek help….

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone Number
  • 1-800-273-8255

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233

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Procrastination or Divine Timing?

When we have a large task, and feel it is insurmountable we can procrastinate.  At least I can and have very successfully in the past.  About six months ago now I was guided to work on my writing diligently.  I didn’t.  Why? Well let’s face it, I procrastinated.  Because it is easier to hide behind inaction rather than putting myself out here.  But, this word haunted me.  I must be diligent.  Because let’s also face the fact that if you take that seemingly insurmountable task and break it down to a small step each day or in increments then it is not insurmountable anymore or scary…just another step along the path to success.  So, today I take another step by crossing off three more things on my to-do list and my task is getting less scary and more accomplished….and six months ago I could not see how that was going to happen.

Ways to help yourself:

Make lists,  Ask for help when stumped, Get advice from those you trust, Set aside specific time to accomplish at least one thing on your list–often you will cross off more!

And, what about this? Is the Universe or God saying, “not yet.”

Maybe this feeling is keeping you on the Divine timing schedule! Maybe not all procrastination is a bad thing. Take stock and ask for inspiration and you will be right on time!